Nothing is wrong, I am the healthiest and happiest ( for the most part) I have ever been, and although I’ve reinvented and rediscovered who I am this past year, the real soul searching begins now. Adjusting and settling is the hardest part of recovery, and part of life. It is human nature to try and build on our foundations and be more. And in some instances, we even try to be less, to tuck ourselves away in the shadows. The middle ground is always the hardest part.
But it will be worth it
I love you all and warm hugs and wishes are being sent your way!
P.S.–Don’t be surprised if I video it up at some point
I’m closing shop.
I haven’t shared with anyone my thoughts on my decision, but I have come to the conclusion that I can’t blog right now. It is NOT because I don’t love you all, because I dooo!!! I just have zero time to! Which, in my eyes, is a GREAT thing.
I have school, work and I am getting back in to yoga for the sake of my sanity. The thought of just doing strictly video posts crossed my mind because it’s a lot speedier and I can just talk and not worry about writing, which is a heck of a lot easier for muah, but who knows. MAYBE I will do that, maybe not, but I won’t be posting.
Also, my faith has been in limbo for a couple months now. Daily distractions and other “things” I have to do have been getting in the way of the one thing in this life that REALLY matters. I need to focus and push forward and get back to where I was because I WANT to and I am ready. I would not be here today if it weren’t for my faith in God, so who am I to turn my back on Him when He pulled me up from the slums I put myself through? I am ready to be all I can be, for Him and for myself.
BUT, it doesn’t mean I won’t be reading, because let’s be honest, I cannot resist stalking all of you
Looking back, my blog has served as a reminder, both good and bad, of who I used to be. I’m SO thankful I have some things documented so I can use it as a learning tool. I have met THE MOST amazing people through this, and I am def not willing to let that go, hence the reason I am reading and not writing.
Thank you for the support, thank you for the laughs, and thank you for just “being”
Like any normal human being in the year 2009, I woke up and grabbed my laptop and jumped back in to the covers to see what’s happening in the world.
Facebook-friend request and a couple random things, boring.
AOL-watched the 5 top clips of the week–http://television.aol.com/tvtop5/in-the-hot-seat-the-view/40143127001/BOW?icid=main|hp-laptop|dl7|link3|http%3A%2F%2Ftelevision.aol.com%2Ftvtop5%2Fin-the-hot-seat-the-view%2F40143127001%2FBOW
WordPress-life lessons & math lessons
YouTube- please observe and post what you think
PERSONALLY, I was cracking up! The kids are just adorable, but after viewing some of the comments below, I could see where some controversy comes in. “Testing” a theory on children. Some comments showed such disdain for putting a child through this, but seriously, marshmellows? I don’t see this is scarring a kid in any way shape or form. It is interesting though to see how much self control one person has when faced with having to enforce it, no?
The best part about running/yoga/a busy work week is the rest day that follows sometimes, and today is one of those days! I will be lounging, eating, maybe do some light yoga or stretching, and then work tonight. Love it.
Have a lovely Saturday!
A couple things I can’t believe…
1.) That I am up at 2 am. I could try to sleep, but heck I already did that and the sandman paid no mind to me
2.) The VMA’s. NOW, I’m sure the majority of you checked it out, but if not, google, youtube, or perezhilton that shiz to see the whole Kanye drama, Lady GaGA performance and New Moon trailor.
–Kanye- you’re a big douche bag
–Lady Gaga- I like your music, it’s great to run to, but you my dear, are OFF YOUR ROCKER! To some, your performance may be portrayed as art, but to me, you are downright odd and left me in utter confusion
–New Moon-I think I stopped breathing for the 2 minutes or so that they previewed the clip. CANNOT wait.
3.)That my mother has a facebook. She has no clue how to use it, but I think she likes feeling more youthful and telling her friends she has a facebook love you Ma!
4.)The amount of this that I ate today:
I am not going to share an amount of what I ate, but just know it was a heck of a lot more than the suggested serving. It’s def. delicious and addicting, and after about my 124th spoonful, I decided to exercise some self control. Guilty? A little bit, but it was SO good, even though the 342874 grams of sugar are what’s keeping me awake right now, but I won’t tell if you don’t
Have a great start to the week everyone, and let me know what you think about the VMA’s! I am dying to hear other’s thoughts on it!
I signed up for the 5K Womens Classic!
This event means A LOT to me. My grandmother had breast cancer and my mom’s cousin is getting over all the breast cancer treatments and is on the mend. Whether it runs in the family, I don’t know, but my mom is always getting checked. It is one of my greatest fears that she will be diagnosed at some point, and I too, fear that I will be diagnosed one day as well. BUT, I believe in prevention, and I believe in a cure.
Last year was the only year for the past 5 years that I couldn’t participate because of being too underweight and suffering from the ED. I cried on and off for 3 days when my mom wouldn’t let me even walk it because she was scared I would collapse. This year will be different. NOT ONLY will I be participating in the race, I signed up for the 5 mile run instead of just the 5K! I am SUPER excited!
The best part–only women can be in the races, the men volunteer to be cheerleaders, food and swag bag givers and the hander-outers of water. The feeling is empowering and overwhelmingly beautiful. CAN’T WAIT!!!
Going along with the majority of the blog world, I also thought back to 2001 on this very day at what was happening to our country. I didn’t understand what was happening ( I was in 6th grade), but I knew it was going to impact the rest of the day/week/month, but little did I know it would change HISTORY.
I will never forget that day, how could you?
I’m going to settle in and read some magssss and hit the hay
Let me first start off by saying this: I hate odd numbers. Even numbers just seem so much more whole, complete. OCD? maybe. I like to consider it a superstition of sorts. Anyway, I woke up kinda on the wrong side of the bed.
Things that went wrong today:
-forgot to pick up my checks for my therapist and nutrish appts. (which were starting at 10:15 am)from the rentals house last night
-spilled coffee on my Dooney and Bourke purse
& FINALLY and WORST of all:
-I went to Whole Foods before my appts. to stock up on Mighty Maple, and low and behold, NOTHING. I just stared. This is the second week they didn’t have it. fail. An employee saw my despair and asked if I needed help, so I told her my dilemma and she broke it to me: Princeton Whole Foods won’t be carrying Mighty Maple anymore. WHAT.THE.EFFFFF!!!! I almost had a meltdown in the middle of store, and then she made things worse by trying to sell me other PB, where I went on to look at her like “you have GOT to be kidding me, you do NOT know who you are talking to here.” I think she got the point when she said “ooook, sorry.” Blah, I hate to be a bizzzznatch to the extreme but I just could not control my emotions.Understandable, right?
OK, rant over. Now there is a point behind my negativity and complaints. After all was said and done, I turned the day around, rocked out with my C**K out on my Anatomy/Physiology test, cleaned and did laundry, took care of some personal schtuff such as painting the tootsies and shaving the bod after I partook in some pilates. The day is almost done, and I am ready for the new day tomorrow, bring on 9.10.09
I don’t quite know what to call this snack. But the method was this:
–graham cracker layer
–cooked apple sprinkled with truvia, salt and cinnamon
–almond milk poured a bit over top
–crumbled graham and cinnamon again
–MICROWAVED for 45 seconds.
^^SO good. mmmm
Now it’s time to finish up my trash tv wednesday. America’s Next Top Model is done…Amber anyone??? WHAT a looooney toon! Now it’s time fooo the REAL(totally fake) WORLD FINALLEEEE!
Happy Labor Day weekend to everyone! I hope it has been filled with the 4 F’s-Food, Fun, Family, Friends!
I have been getting my share of all those F words, but in an unconventional way, let me explain:
I have been working like a crazy person! So all the things that go along with holidays have been converted to work form. I am around good friends at work, we laugh and we have fun which makes the work days go quicker for sure. I haven’t seen my family too much, but they did pop in yesterday with my Aunt and Uncle (actually just close family friends) to the restaurant to have some tea and dessert. & of COURSE there has been food, I work at a restaurant durr!
But just because I have been a busy bee, doesn’t mean I have turned my back on some things near and dear to my heart
I went to bed with a run in the morning in the park being the first thing on my to do list for today, but I awoke to my mind and body telling me to stay in bed and just relax, SO that is what I am doing.
I have a study session at 4:30 for anatomy and physiology with my class. Since we don’t HAVE classes today, we are all meeting with our teacher at Barnes and Nobles. She’s an AWESOME teacher, thank goodness. She would rather just be called her first name, in shortened nick name form none the less, as opposed to “Professor” or “Dr”, I just LOVE laid back people like that, makes learning a liiiittle bit easier knowing the teach. doesn’t put themselves on a pedestal 100% of the time.
& as for tonight, my best chica and I are going to Bed Bath and Beyond, or wherever our travels take us, to get some window treatments and start decorating my bungalow
Have a lovely rest of the day and I shall return, sooner rather than later hopefully, with pictures of what I have done thus far to my place in comparison to the other day!
This isn’t a post, I just wanted to say that I feel really really cool, and slightly BAAADA$$, typing this up in class.
So far today:
-Went for a run/walk and talked with God. Blasted some Christian tunes and I was set.
-Shaved for the first time in a week
-Had oats with Justins Maple AB
^^All running on 5 hours of total sleep due to err, bathroom issues and restlessness.
Gotta jet, time to write an essay on “The Cask of Amontillado” by Mr E.A. Poe. Anyone else get creeped out by his writings? bleck
I hope I still have SOME followers, no? shucks.
ANYWHO, I have a buttload of pictures, so you might as well grab a snack, a blanket(seeing as it IS september and the temperature is in the 60′s, whaa??!) and hunker down all! Enjoy, and please don’t judge my lack of furniture and hominess
I now present to you, the poor womans brand spankin’ new apartment:
and now, THE apartment:
Haven’t been taking any foodie pictures, BUT check what I tried:
and that’s ALLLLL folks!
I will save life lessons and ramblings for another post because 1.) I am super tired at staring at the computer, 2.) I’m sure you are too and 3.) I need to focus on Real World and my tummy and growling for some good eatzzzz
Goodnight love bugs!
I am in the midst of a battle zone.
I don’t have much time to post but packing is going well, courses have been selected and shopping is DEFINITELY being done.
I got an email from my mommabear today containing some uhh photos. Unsure if I should be sharing these vulgar pictures, but you be the judge.
and if those pictures weren’t enough to entertain you for the night, behold…
time to go socialize! it’s the boys last night out on the town before he goes to school up at Penn State, so a parttayyy is in order to bid him farewell.
HAVE A WONDERFUL NIGHT!
I am SORRYYYY I have not updated, BUT I have been uber busy. Ya know, signing apartment leases and Sh!t. no big!
YESSSS YOU READ THAT RIGHT!!! I OFFICIALLY signed for an apartment yesterday! And I move in next flippin’ Monday already! I am trying not to stress too much, I just have a lot of packing up to do in a short amount of time, but it’s mainly just clothing, go figure.
I need your girls’ help though!
I am definitely planning on hitting up Marshalls and TJ Maxx and what not for some furniture pieces, but I am VERY undecided as to what color/pattern scheme to have for my kitchen/living area! Everything is pretty much just a neutral palate as is. White kitchen appliances(fridge, micro, stove, dishwasher) and brownish speckled countertops, tan carpet and white walls.
My bedroom is going to be greens and browns, and my bathroom is going to be animal print because I already have towels for that.
Any suggestions? And oh yeah, I don’t know how personal this next plea is, but seeing as our community here munches on the same goodies, how much would you say per week or month do you spend on groceries, because honestly I have not kept track. My mom just hands over the plastic and her list and I do my food shopping then at the same time :/
It’s going to be a hectic week, but I CANNOT wait to show you girls pictures once I get settled in!!
First and foremost, THANK YOU all for your kind words and support from my last post! I’m SOO thankful that I have this little place, nook if you will, to express my emotions and receive neverending support.
Just wanted to stop by REAL quick and give you a couple catch ups!
1.) YES, the date on sunday with S was marvelous and JUST what I needed and just what I wanted. Layed back and enjoyable. perfect. SO perfect, in fact, that we are going out TONIGHT! Dinner and movie, yes siiirrrr. Drive-ins to be exact! On the dinner front, I’m not SO sure as to where we are going, but I know I have to pick, grrrr. I HATEEEE making decisions like that because I don’t want to choose the wrong thing. Gah, I know it won’t end up being a big deal but I’m sure some of ya out there feel me on that. Otherwise, I am MUYYY excited!
2.) Everything got passed on the apartment and money issue, so I can OFFICIALLY start looking!! Again, I am SO excited to start fresh and be in a new environment, but of course still nervous and scared. BUT it’s time to be brave, and not to mention, start brushing up on my kickboxing skills in case any home boys(or girls) try to break in and gank my shizzz
3.) Donovan McNabb ate lunch at my work today ( the thai restaurant)! Too bad I’m not an Eagles fan, STEELERS AND GIANTS ALL THE WAYYYY BABY! Ironically enough, he ordered my favorite dish there, Pan-Seared Tilapia in Panang Curry and Lump Crab Meat * so good it’s disgusting. I WILL say though, he was funny, kind, laid back and not rude or a prick. Our manager/owner gave him and his friend the meal for free, and I don’t want to go in to any numbers or anything, but YES he did tip, but I personally believe he should’ve tipped more than 20%, I mean really? You’re Donovan McNabb.
I’m off to go nap, shower and hit up some grub and flicks. Enjoy your night
It looks like the pet burglar struck again in blogland.
I got a card in the mail today from my ex-horseback riding trainer. In the card she wrote saying how my pony that I owned for 3 years from when I was about 11-14 (pictured above) passed away on July 30th overnight. She was old and most likely had a heart attack she said. This pony was my life. I was at the barn every day, for hours on end training her from the ground up when she was already in her teens which is hard to do, kinda like the phrase you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. BUT she was a trooper and we were perfect for eachother. Best buds. She wasn’t the most attractive or proportionate thing compared to all the Class A ponies in the show ring ( she had a huge brand on her rear end from being a cattle pony back in the day and was small and mighty) but she was by far the most gentle and caring girl. At night I would have my mom take me up to the barn to find her laying down in her stall ( she was a tiny thing) and I would just go and cuddle with her.
I miss my Bingo already. I am taking it pretty hard, because as many of you know it’s not easy to lose a pet, but I know I am able to look back at my time with her and the trials we had together and the bond we formed and know that she contributed to many characteristics I hold today.
Rest in peace my little peanut<3
On a much lighter and happier note, which I am trying to focus my energy in to, my date last night went GREATTTT!!! We met up, talked outside in the warm weather for about an hour and walked over to the movie theatre. He bought the ticket, he held the door, he respected my boundaries…he was a true winner last night.
We saw The Orphan so you KNOW there was some “arm holding” and “face hiding in the shoulder” moves pulled on my part there I’m not getting my hopes up but I feel good about this so far. We are going out for dinner on Thursday night and grabbing coffee one morning before I go in to work, so again, I will keep you updated
Have a lovely monday night, hope everyone is getting back in to the groove of the work week!
Ok, so I’ve been holding out on everyone ( almost) out there the past week or two.
I’ve met someone. From work.
I KNOW I KNOW! crazy right?? I can’t really describe how I am feeling. I feel nervous, doubtful, excited and straight up GIDDY!
Nervous-well duh of course I am nervous!
Doubtful-what if he isn’t what I am hoping for or looking for to suit ME right now, which is someone to just be around and hang out with and have FUN, because FUN has been gone far too long.
Excited-I can’t WAIT to get to know him more and see what God has in store for me.
Giddy-As many of you know, I have been in two very serious relationships over the past 4 years of my life, one of which is still getting sorted out/ he is still trying to get back together ( NO WAY!) so I feel like a freakin 6th grade hormonal girl getting ready for her first school dance in hopes to dance with the class hunk!
So why all of a sudden am I feeling these nuts emotions? WELL homeboy finally asked me if I wanted to hang out. SO tomorrow after I am done work he’s meeting me or picking me up or something and we are going to the movies which is right in the promenade shopping center there so it WOULD be a nice little walk, but the weatherman is calling for rain..boooo! BUT ya win some ya lose some I suppose, and let’s hope this is a winner winner TOFU dinner for ya girl over here !!
Wish me luck! Any first date advice??? I was in a long term relationship and thought I had all the answers, but now Here I am freaking out the night before about- what to wear? is the theatre going to be cold? omg my hair is going to be a frizz machine! peanut butter and jelly or peanut butter and banana ( oh wait that’s my train of thought for tomorrow’s breakfast woops! )
I will be sure to catch you all up tomorrow or monday!
In other brief news:
One of my best friends lives out in Arizona with her dad and step mom but her mother lives here in PA right down the road from me and she’s in town this week so I went over to visit and her mom, whom I am extremely close to gave me this as a gift before I left:
I read this my first week in In Patient and felt SO many different things that I never felt while reading a memoir.
Hola and Bonjour everybody, how’s everyone’s weeks going so far? Let’s hear it for HUMP DAY wooo!
I officially JUST woke up and it’s err 12:43. I’m glad I still have an ounce of teenager left in me
I went out last night again…I KNOW I know, I REALLY need to calm myself down, I’m making Homegirl look like an amateur haha! It was just a fun night of Rock Band, where I KILLED on the drums, a create your own drink contest, and everyone getting their munch on. Unfortunately, no pictures, I sawwwyyy!
BUT these were a MAAAJJJ hit:
holllaaaa! I brought these along with a layer dip which consisted of homemade guac, salsa, sour cream, and shredded cheese. And I made a nice salad with spinach, mango, blueberries, strawberries, candied walnuts, but ended up not taking it because I would rather consume that myself muwaha. EVERYONE raved about the dip and chips though. Thank you thank you I’ll accept my award later
Nothing new or fabulous is going on over here in Fogelsville, PA, just ironing out more details with penn state
and amusing myself with silly looking fruit
have a wonderful day and I MUST inform you that I fell in love…
adorable.I can’t wait to see the new movie/documentary/mock-umentary, Paper Heart!!! EEE!!! I’m going to go watch Year One illegally right now online..shh!
p.s. is anyone else intrigued and SUPER excited about Julie & Julia??? AHHH I have NOT seen any movies this summer, yet I want to see EVERY SINGLE one of them!